Saturday, November 26, 2005

The 2005 Blazer Dispersal Draft

Portland is now into year two of their third and latest epoch in Trailblazer history. The first epoch, The Witty Epoch, included Blazer history from expansion team through championship team on up until the day Bob Whitsitt was hired. Thus began the Whitsitt era which began with the slow dissolution of the "awesome core" of Drexler, Porter, Duckworth, Williams, Kersey, Adelman, and Schonely on through the Isiah "I like dice" Rider and several other players that generally found ways to alert the police to their presence.

The third and current era of the Blazers is known as the Witless epoch. This era, captained by John Nash and Steve Patterson, is tasked with the final destruction of the Portland Trailblazers and its rapid descent into an expansion team. Their means of doing this is to alienate and eliminate the main core of Blazer talent and replace them with people who've never attended college. Let's take a look at what was given up in the last 12 months...

Derek Anderson, Houston, 11.3 pts per game (PPG)

Richie Frahm, Minnesota, 5.3 ppg (in 12 minutes!)

Nick Van Exel, San Antonio, 7.0 ppg

Shareef Abdur-Rahim, Sacramento, 15.4 ppg, 7.5 reb, 3.8 assists

Damon Stoudamire, Memphis, 10.1 ppg, 4.8 assists

Those are some darn fine players there. There was a moment in time, when the Blazers got rid of Rasheed Wallace and Bonzi Wells and received Abdur Rahim and Theo Ratliff when I was excited for them and looked forward to great things. Then came the 2005 dispersal draft when the Blazers jettisoned the people above as well as Coach Maurice Cheeks (whose 76ers now lead their division by the way), decided to let a front office person coach their team and decided to play only the youngest and most inexperienced players at all times.

When the current season rolled around, Ruben Patterson decided it might be fun to play to win and got verbal about it. In the tradition of going nuclear with the slightest provocation, the Blazers decided to sideline Patterson (as if a momentary outburst were the equivalent to seasons of public whining [Terrell Owens] or beating on a random fan [Ron Artest]). I'm sure it made Nash feel righteous and tough though, as if the entire Blazer fan base were as gullible as 700 Club viewers. If the Blazers lose Ruben Patterson, the bell curve from 1970 to 2006 will be complete with the parts of Geoff Petrie and Sidney Wicks played by Darius Miles and Zach Randolph and the part of LaRue Martin played by Sergei Monia. Luckily, we have the high part of the bell curve where we can remember Bill Walton and Clyde Drexler.

Looking at the post-Blazer careers of Rasheed Wallace and Bonzi Wells, perhaps Portlanders were pointing their fingers in the wrong direction. Both are prospering with other teams and not having the same problems as they did here...coincidence? I think not.

For those who might want a taste of the pre-Witless epoch of Blazer history, I suggest paying more attention to the Sacramento Kings. With Geoff Petrie in the front office and Rick Adelman as coach along with Bonzi Wells and Shareef Abdur-Raheem, there is a lot to like here. There is a statue of the Virgin Mary weeping blood at the Vietnamese Catholics Martyrs Church in Sacramento. Sometimes I think she is crying for the Blazers.


Pandabonium said...

That's not blood, it's wine. Mary always was a lush.

Now that I mention it, maybe that would explain the Blazer's performance as well.

qfaji - a foul in Iraqi basketball

The Moody Minstrel said...

Portland's at the bottom of the Pacific division??!? I can't even remember the last time THAT'S happened! It also seems like they've been getting trounced by twenty or more points an awful lot lately. Just what is the deal, here?

As an international representative, I am sorely embarrassed! My Oregonian pride is tarnished beyond repair!

dkyhbe - Yanomamu for "middle finger".

thehim said...

Mo Cheeks was a good hire for the Sixers. It's a good thing that .500 is usually good enough to win the Atlantic.

Seymour said...

Its not wine pandabonium, that's insecticide. Mary's got a bad case of the crabs. A BAD CASE. They've basically taken over her autotomic functions at this point. See Heinlein's "The Puppet Masters" for an explanation.

For a brief and beautiful moment, the Laker's were at the bottom, that was until the Vegas Syndicate snatched Kobe's wife off the Santa Monica sidewalk.

Hey, KBOO's playing Jethro Tull! Time to kick back.

gycrley-Cut rate feminine surgery.

Pandabonium said...

Heinlein. Of course, Seymour. There is that theme in these posts. The previous one should have brought to mind "The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress".

I grok.

gjtunm - the fall season on Mimas when the ice turns yellow after the vermouth runs out.

Seymour said...

Yeah, I don't know what it is about Heinlein but it'll get a reaction out of the regulars. "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress" is a bitchin late Golden Era Sci-Fi tale, but start taking about "Starship Troopers" (awesome YES song) or anything post "Stanger in a Strange Land", and you'll see all kinds of weird reactions. Don't see that with Niven or Bradbury. I wonder why....

ysoetngx-the 14th apostle. Displaced in 145 AD by the Council of Reims for being "fayced lyke the Wyrm".


Vulgarius said...

"ysoetngx-the 14th apostle. Displaced in 145 AD by the Council of Reims for being "fayced lyke the Wyrm".

Was'nt that The White Wyrm?

smug preppie said...

When nerds talk basketball...

A-Hole said...

What the hell is that b!@#$ crying about anyway? Cause her son had to crawl out of his own grave with hands he could use as a whistle? Life's hard. Deal with it!

Some purple life form said...

I like little, flashing lights.