Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Another Sign Armageddon Is Near

This happened in Canada???!?

Ever since the petroleum industry came to be in the U.S., it has used its considerable economic and political muscle to blast any real alternative to oil into little, tiny pieces. In the early 20th century, hemp oil and soy plastic, both extremely promising and economical non-petroleum products, were nipped in the bud by the U.S. government for extremely flimsy reasons...with the oil industry cheering (and financing) them on from behind the scenes.

So what's Big Petroleum's latest victim?

Corn Cob Bob.

CCB is the mascot for the Canadian Renewable Fuels Association. The Canadian government officially banned his use in Canada Day celebrations. Why? Because the chief sponsor of the Canada Day festivities was Shell Oil, and they apparently had a problem with the corny, little cartoon character:

Kory Teneycke, the executive director of Canadian Renewable Fuel Association, was surprised by the call.

"They said they were very sorry but they said one of their major sponsors had indicated there was a conflict between the message that we were promoting and their company's interests," he said.


I repeat: This happened in Canada???!?

Everybody, head for the blast shelters. We're all in big trouble.

83 comments:

Cornholio said...

I am corholio! I require TP for my bunghole!

Are you threatening me?

Seymour said...

Didn't Corncob Bob used to be a Catholic Priest?

DewKid said...

I'm sorry. There's two things I don't like, and that's clowns and mutant corn people. I think Shell did the right thing to remove this abomination from public view!

Demon corn thing! Go back to the field from WENCE you came, and stop feeding on the innocent children! POP CORN! POP CORN! POP CORN!

Vulgarius said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Corn Cob Bob said...

Corn Cob Bob
(A round to the tune of “Three Blind Mice”)

Corn Cob Bob, Corn Cob Bob,
He’s quite the man, He’s quite the man!
Our mascot is working and having fun,
Keeping us smiling as things get done.
Did you ever see such a marvelous one
As Corn Cob Bob?

Shell Oil said...

This post has been removed by Corn Cob Bob

DewKid said...

(I'm having WAY too much fun with Corn Cob Bob) ;-)

a-Maize-ing world said...

Corn Cob Bob is a GM crop and is patented by Monsanto. Farmers whose crops have been pollinated (even accidentally) and find Corn Cob Bob growing in their fields will now be sued by both Shell and Monsanto, which will be suing each other. Then there is the pending US lawsuit against Canada for failing to sell Corn Cob Bob to the USA under NAFTA.

And if you've eaten any Corn Cob Bob, better look closely in the mirror. Is that a pimple or a kernal?

Stay out of the sun....pop pop pop!

Pa've said...

THAT'S IT!!! THE PETRO INDUSTRY WILL NO LONGER RULE MY LIFE!!! ITS BIODEISEL FOREVER!!!

(thanks to CornCob Bob for the enormous kicknack.)

Monsanto said...

Dear Snabulus proprietor,

Corn Cob Bob (R) is a registered trademark of Monsanto and the genetic material is the intellectual property of Monsanto. We demand that you cease and decist from showing any likeness of Corn Cob Bob (R) or using Corn Cob Bob (R) in any further posts.

You must remove this post and disembowel all posting contributors within 72 hours or we will use all necessary legal action to protect the property of Monsanto.

Sincerely,

Cheatham and Fink
Attorneys for Monsanto

Seymour said...

I think we should adopt Corn Cob Bob as the offical mascot of the Snabulus Web Log. Granted he is a vegetative hell-beast, raised on human blood to achieve dominion over those who created him, but other than that, he seems nice.

We could call ourselves "The Children of the Corn" and have strange, semi-nude gatherings in dusty midwestern towns. We could brandish rusty farm implements and have poorly edited story lines. I think it could work!

The Moody Minstrel said...

And to think the post on Independence Day only garnered a MEASLEY FIVE COMMENTS!!!!

What's WRONG with you people???!?

(Still...Seymour's idea does sound kind of cool...)

Vulgarius said...

Youre such a prude Seymore! Dont you know that any REAL Evil Bonfire has full nudity, credit cards, brooktrout and farm animals as a minimum requirement!

Vulgarius said...

What's WRONG with you people???!?


Hard Corn Soft Corn.. How about

http://www.abe.iastate.edu/AE469_569/CornMolds/

DewKid said...

Mmmmmm Corns.

Gack!!!!!!!!! said...

Toesucker!

Pandabonium said...

Corncob Bob out ranks political news for comments.
Considering what is happening in that arena, perhaps that is only appropriate.

Maybe Corncob Bob could get a new job working for Clearasil - he does look like he has a case of terminal acne.

Shell Oil said...

This post has been removed before even being completed as it conflicts with our interests.


Oh, and the party attempting to post this comment wishes it to be known that he has been immersed in concrete and will serve as part of a new high-rise complex for decades.

Corn Cob Bob said...

Build it, and they will come.

PusBoy said...

I took a dump that looked just like that once. No really, I have photos!

Sewer Urchin said...

Thanks for sharing...

Mae West said...

Hello, Corncob Bob, you big boy. Is that a corn cob in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Philrod Piddlewaif said...

Sh-shut...
Sh-sh-shut...
Sh-sh-shu-sh-shut...
Shut UP!!!!!!!!

Thomas Jefferson said...

Corncob Bob: 23

Independence Day: 5

Thanks a lot. The revolution was really worth it.

Corn Cob Bob said...

Hey, Jeffy-boy...at least I never owned slaves!!!

Paul Harvey said...

Hey, America didn't become the great nation it is by being sugary-sweet! Slavery? Hey, that's just par for the course!

Corn Cob Bob? Wayyyyy too much fructose!

Pa've said...

I believe this post has broken the record on that last political post at PPP. GO GO CORN COB BOB!

Seymour said...

I'm sure Freud would understand the fascination we have with 'bob'. Let's face it, the Declaration of Independence is old news. Today's hip consumers need edgy new products to spend their money on, and Corn Cob Bob fits the bill. I envision T-shirts, bumper stickers, and a vegatable based lubricant which will meet the needs of today's hot young CEO's. I've even come up with a campaign slogan, "Shuck Me!". How does that sound?

Goon said...

I don't know about a vegetable based personal lubricant. Sex would smell like salad. And salad makes me think of cucumbers, so, like no way.

Abraham Lincoln said...

In my day, we used corncobs to wipe our behinds with. They had to be fresh. Dry ones would tend to chafe.

Vulgarius said...

I don't know about a vegetable based personal lubricant.


I dont think Seymore meant personal.

DewKid said...

This post trend has gotten a bit, well, corny.

I personally would like to see a wrestling match between Corn Cob Bob and Ronald McDonald, in a large vat of vegetable oil and pork fat. Maybe throw Paris Hilton in there too, just for the heck of it.

Some Guy said...

Shuck Me? Hey, Shuck You Pal!! I got yer corn cob.... right heeeerrre!

DewKid said...

I wonder how hard it would be to make a Corn Cob Bob 3D model for use in a Neverwinter Nights campaign. Hmmm.

54th level Wizard: That Ancient Red-Dragon was rather easy to kill, don't you agree Plegpht?
55th level Barbarian: Mmmm!? Brrrgh.
54th level Rogue: Say, what the hell is that up there...?
[In Unison] Oh no! It's CORN COB BOB!!! RUN!!!!!!
Corn Cob Bob: Howdy adventurers! Would you like to try some alternate fuels?
[In Unison] AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!

DewKid said...

(sung to the tune of the Carbon song... and most of the words)
It's Corn Cob Bob with a hootanany holler
It's Corn Cob Bob with a hootenanny hey
It's Corn Cob Bob with a hootanany holler
It's Corn Cob Bob, sing corny all day
It's Corn Cob Bob - nana nanana
Corn Cob Bob - nananan ney
Corn Cob Bob, Corn Cob Bob, Corn Cob Bah-ah-ob

Don Snabulus said...

It looks like Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo caught jaundice and chicken pox at the same time.

The Moody Minstrel said...

You're just jealous.

Mr. Hankey said...

Hooooowwwwwwdy Ho! You smell all fresh and flowery! Let me give you a big Mr. Hankey kiss!

Seymour said...

Robin, I find your fascination with Corn Cob Bob to be both disturbing and illuminating. Granted, your ode to Bob was catchy in vaguely predestrian way. But when I inscribed your runes on the torn flesh of my room-mate, nothing happened!

And by nothing I mean that the swollen visages of Corn Cob and his illustrious protege, Ol Nob, did not appear to me, nor did they bid me to inscribe in the ancient clay of Summeria the Dawn Ritual. That Being.... ACK NOB, SHOLL-NIRIFT. IF NOB BHAAL SHUR-IB. IIIIYYY-NYRLETHOTEP, IIIIIYY-SHUBNIGGUROTH,
IIIIIIIIIIY-CTHULHU,
IIIIIIIIIIYYYY-AZATHOTH!!!!
CTHULH Ph'TAGN!!!

Anyway, nothing happened. Really.

DewKid said...

What fascination are you referring to?

Are you referring to my strange obsession with this singular post, simply because there is a large picture of a man dressed up like the half-breed son of a farmer's not-so-innocent relationship with an ear of corn?

Or maybe its because I find infinite amusement in the ever increasing number of posts on this one article.

Or even that the name Bob has always garnered a sort of chuckle from my inner-child.

No, there's no fascination here!! It is true, honest to Bob, Worship.

Now I must return to my Corn Cob temple, and toss another husk onto the bonfire in tribute.

626 comments to go....

DewKid said...

It's frightening to think that this post is about to fall off the "current" list. Soon, I'll have to go to the archive to pay tribute by leaving yet ANOTHER post.

Snabby's going to be going "Enough Already!!!" very soon too...

That's assuming he has the "Get an e-mail each time there is a new post" option turned on. Otherwise, me and Corn Cob Bob will scroll into oblivion alone.

:-)

some guy said...

Don't worry Dewkid, I'll be here too! You FREAK!

Frankenserthogavvenburgeronitoid the 3rd, Esquire Jr. said...

... and me!

Shell Oil said...

Us to. And our lawyers. We're coming to get ya, Bob!! Bwooo hah- ah ah

Grom said...

Mmm? Corn bleed too! EAT MEAT!

DewKid said...

... and now it is gone ...

Still, Corn Cob Bob LIVES!!!!

random visitor said...

So, what's up with this whole Corn Cob Bob thing? Like, get over it!

DewKid said...

Oh, I'll get over it, when the CORN FIELD FREEZES OVER!!! Thanks for adding the growing list of soon-to-be-mind-numbed-subservients of the great and powerful Corn Cob God!

Yekcim Yekcim Yekcim

some guy said...

Don't tell me you are STILL amused by this, DewKid! MOVE ON!!!!!!!

DewKid said...

=)

Frankenserthogavvenburgeronitoid the 3rd, Esquire Jr. said...

KORN!

Some Guy said...

KOBBBB!!!

Sonny Corn Toes said...

BBBAAAAWWWWWWWBBBBBB!!!!!!

DewKid said...

Sonny Corn Toes?!?

Jeese, these messages are going downhill FAST!

Brian Pinhead said...

In other news:

A Corn Cob Bob look-alike was nabbed robbing a gas station in east "The City". The costumed man claimed that he was going to put a stop to the "gasoline charade" by "taking care of business in the wheat."

Police are searching for answers.

DewKid said...

I just ran across this:

Corddry comes to Corn Cob Bob's aid

DewKid said...

Actually, this one is pretty funny. How does a news story fit "Corn Cob Bob" and Laura Bush in the same story?

Read it here

DewKid said...

Did you know Corn Cob Bob has been around for several years? Check out some of Corn Cob's friends:

Pork Chop: This child star offers up a tap-dancing extravaganza while telling us about “The Other White Meat to the tune of “You Are My Sunshine.”

Johnny Rotten: Johnny has got the “been so mistreated, ain’t safe to be reheated blues.” The singer who has seen better days, talks about the dangers of mishandling food.

Tiny The Flying Tomato: Preparing for a launch out of a cannon, this daredevil tomato helps the audience understand how food makes it to the grocery store.

Frankie Rumproast: Being the busy, in demand hunk of beef that he is, Frankie has to make his appearance via satellite. Frankie is being honored with the Lifetime “Yummy” for surviving the olden days. (before meat was packaged, stuffed into cans and preservatives).

The Musical Beans, Pinto and Soy: This duo helps us understand beans get such a bad rap. WARNING: Don’t get too close! You know what happens when you eat too many beans…

... and whatever happened to Corn Cob's routine with little PAT?

Corn Cob Bob, and his little stick of butter PAT: Corn Cob Bob performs his amazing ventriloquist routine with the help of his sidekick Pat. Singing a parody of “Home on the Range,” the two explain where they came from and why they make such a good team.

DewKid said...

Check out Corn Cob Bob at The Annual Ethanol Expo.

Melissa, eh? I wonder if she is a mutant corn thing too...

Okay, 'nuff Corny news.... FOR NOW

Corn Cob Bob said...

Wow! I appreciate all the commentary in my benefit. I'm not too sure about the clown thing, but if it means alternative fuel awareness, I'm all for it!

DewKid said...

(sigh)

Whatever happened to 'ol Corn Cob?

Sonny Corn Toes said...

eeeehhh-HAW! Corn is good for the soul!

Ndau? said...

Ndau? Ndau ndau ndau, ndau ndau.

Anonymous said...

Sonny corn toes?

wdebt - George W's debt.

Corn Cob Bob said...

I'm still here!

Fee-fi-fiddle-I-O!
Fee-fi-fiddle-I-Ooooooooo
Fee-fi-fiddle-I-O!
Fee-fi-fiddle-I-Ooooooooo

... and many more!

DewKid said...

Fee-fi-what-the-hey?

vpdynos - brass ones on the brass

DewKid said...

Beep

DewKid said...

Boop

Gandolf said...

You shall not pass!!!

bymrekpc - An intestinal movement that damages a computer.

DewKid said...

Thanks for the info, Gandolf. (ew)

Corn Cob Bob said...

Chill out Dewkid! Let's instead welcome Gandolf into our realm. We could certainly benefit from his wisdom! Here, have some creamed corn.

Gandolf said...

Hey, I told you not to pass. (sigh)

Some Guy said...

*furp* Excuse me, I had to pass.

poist said...

Fnerpta?

Si, hoy es lunes.

Steve said...

Bee-Bahp-Bo!

cornholio said...

I am corholio! I require TP for my bunghole!

Are you threatening me?

seymour said...

Didn't Corncob Bob used to be a Catholic Priest?

DewKid said...

I'm sorry. There's two things I don't like, and that's clowns and mutant corn people. I think Shell did the right thing to remove this abomination from public view!

Demon corn thing! Go back to the field from WENCE you came, and stop feeding on the innocent children! POP CORN! POP CORN! POP CORN!

DewKid said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DewKid said...

Corn Cob Bob
(A round to the tune of “Three Blind Mice”)

Corn Cob Bob, Corn Cob Bob,
He’s quite the man, He’s quite the man!
Our mascot is working and having fun,
Keeping us smiling as things get done.
Did you ever see such a marvelous one
As Corn Cob Bob?

DewKid said...

This post has been removed by Corn Cob Bob

DewKid said...

(I'm having WAY too much fun with Corn Cob Bob) ;-)

DewKid said...

Corn Cob Bob is a GM crop and is patented by Monsanto. Farmers whose crops have been pollinated (even accidentally) and find Corn Cob Bob growing in their fields will now be sued by both Shell and Monsanto, which will be suing each other. Then there is the pending US lawsuit against Canada for failing to sell Corn Cob Bob to the USA under NAFTA.

And if you've eaten any Corn Cob Bob, better look closely in the mirror. Is that a pimple or a kernal?

Stay out of the sun....pop pop pop!