Tuesday, September 07, 2004

You Know You're a Real Hybrid Owner When...

  • 49.9 is not the same as 50.1 when it comes to miles per gallon.

  • You lean forward going up hills instead of hitting the gas.

  • You're not out of gas until the low-fuel light has been on for about 80 miles.

  • You memorize topographical maps of your daily drive.

  • You won't run errands unless they are more than 50 miles away so you don't hurt your average.

  • While you don't mind showing friends your hybrid, you'd rather not drive them around because the extra weight might lower your gas mileage.

  • You have a perfectly good air conditioner but refuse to use it unless you're going downhill.

  • You gleefully buy the cheap gas.

  • You post your gas mileage online.


The Moody Minstrel said...

To continue that line:

* You actually slow down at yellow lights instead of speeding up.

* You're a firm believer in 0 to 60 in ten minutes.

* You make it a habit to check which way the wind is blowing and do your best to head in that direction.

* You try to avoid making left turns out of fear that the centrifugal force might speed up the flow of gas through the fuel line.

* You stop off at the pub to celebrate every time your average breaks 50 MPG.

* You get in the habit of driving your car into a ditch on purpose and paying the tow truck driver to pull you along for a few miles if your average gets too low.

* When you play golf, you get upset if your score is less than 50 over par.

* Along the same lines, you're the only person in your generation who actually celebrates being over 50.

* You'd rather wait at a crowded intersection for an hour than punch the gas to shoot in between cars. In fact, you've even stocked your car with books to keep you occupied in the meantime.

* You cross yourself and beg for divine forgiveness every time you pull into a filling station.

* You'll gladly go for miles past your intended exit on the freeway just so you can stay in that truck's slipstream a little longer.

And the #1 way to know you're a real hybrid driver:

* You refuse to have sex anymore unless your wife/partner/girlfriend/lover/date stops screaming at you to go faster.

(Kind of makes you want to run out and buy a Prius, doesn't it?)

Anonymous said...

You have a bumper sticker on your car that says,

My car sips gas.
Your car sucks.

ElTigris said...

and then you get a biodiesel hybrid and you go nah! nah! nah!

Anonymous said...


Biodiesel produces toxic gas and even more toxic waste. It also fills your cylinders and pipes with carcinogenic grime. Nice way to save the environment, you unwashed bong-heads!

Hybrids are for fags. Real mean drive SUVs 'cause they know they'll be dead before it really starts to matter.

Don Snabulus said...

I can see it now,

The Ford Escape: For Real Men...um...who happen to be gay...or tough...or just gay.

(The Ford Escape SUV comes in a hybrid variety now)

Anonymous said...


Oh, thanks, Snabola! You just burst my bubble, and now there's a sticky film all over the floor!

Excuse me...I need a tissue...

ElTigris said...

yess..if you were a real man you would take all the anti smog stuff off... and pipe it directly into your cabin..so you get the aroma while you smoke your camels too *chuckles*